Yet Another Post About Dating!

Feel free to exit very quickly if you don't want to hear me ramble about my sad attempts at dating yet again. If, however, you're really bored at work or something, by all means continue. It's something to distract you, right?

So I'm in a new apartment complex and a new ward. That means...new boys! You see, I spent the first nineteen years of my life convinced that I was completely unattractive to the male species. Then I came to Utah and realized that all the girls looked like me and that all the boys had the same interests (except I still hate sports). I definitely fit in better, and guys actually started to like me! It was so exciting I still tear up in happiness just thinking about it.

Despite the fact that guys were actually responding to my weak flirting endeavors, I still have not managed to engage in a serious relationship. There a few reasons for this. First, the word "serious" gives me the shivers. I am so young. Second, "relationships" mean you have to depend on people and be with them, like, all the time. Terrifying. Third, according to this new book that my cousin gave me, I am doing something wrong.

The sad truth is that at some point I'm going to have to get married. And to get married, you need to date. And if you're like me, dating doesn't come naturally. I need a little bit of help.

So in this book that I'm reading, from the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, the author says there are 5 stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and engagement. Cool. That makes sense. I'm buying this. He also says men and women are different. Um, duh. But he goes into detail about how men and women think. This could actually be useful!! What more pearls do you have to offer, John Gray???? Teach me, sensei, of the mysteries of romance! I am willing to learn.

What I need to do then, is look at what I'm learning in the real-life Pink Bible (yes, the book is pink. And that's a reference to Mormon Pride and Prejudice) and apply it to my life. As I've said over and over again, Provo dating is DIFFERENT. I don't know what dating is like in the real world, but here it's kind of intense. The only way to understand what is going on and avoid being overwhelmed is to break it down, which I plan to do over several blog posts.

Let's start with the first stage: attraction.
I show up at my new apartment complex, and there are boys everywhere. Even better, many of them are actually men. And they want to get to know me! At first, I'm meeting a bunch of different people and trying to make a good first impression and remember names and it's just crazy. Luckily, things even out soon, and I'm able to make a real connection with a guy I'd be interested in getting to know. And another. And another. And another.
Um...what?
Here we run into the first few roadblocks of dating in Provo.
1. There are lots and lots of options. Too many options. More on that later.
2. Everybody knows everybody. Word travels fast. It's not always a bad thing. Sometimes, it's fantastic. It can occasionally take some of the stress away because you're not stuck wondering what's going on. Someone knows, and can tell. Other times, though, it can increase drama. And here at Emily's Princess Diary, we try to avoid unnecessary drama.
3. Because you live close to the people you might be interested in, you see them often, and this fact combined with your location in Provo, Utah, causes things to move very fast sometimes. One couple I heard of went on blind date, and are about to be engaged less than three months later.
Whoa.

Although there are lots of ways the attraction stage can go wrong, I have learned how to navigate it. I have the attraction stage DOWN. What I have come to discover is that even Mormon guys care less about what you can do than about what you will do. They care less about your calling in church than if you can make them laugh. I mean, you have to be a good person and have a testimony and everything, but most importantly, you have to be interesting.

In The Book, Mr. Gray gives advice about how you should talk and act on a date, and I have been very excited to learn that I'm doing this stage right. He says not to let the guy talk the whole time because he'll lose interest in you. I don't. He says to be you, but in a way that will make someone interested. I do that, mostly. The most important thing is to play to the guy. Make a connection, but don't give everything away or he'll get bored and move on. It's all a game. Don't even try to deny it, because you know it's true. If you're actually trying to get close to someone, you can't just kiss them and leave it at that. You have to be careful, read signals, and play to your strengths.

As long as you're pretty social and you're careful not to get friendzoned you too can participate in the glory that is attraction. Each of my roommates had a date this past week. Not every guy is as desirable as others, but my theory is that if I do my part and say yes to dates, I will get rewarded with a guy who will actually work out. Remember how, a year and a half ago, I wrote a blog post about the different types of girls? I was a Single Lady, through and through. I regret to inform you that I'm not sure if I fit into that category anymore. I think that I may be...a First Dater. I made a commitment to not say no to any dates unless I had a really good reason and, well, boys have been asking. We'll see how my theory plays out.

The point of the first stage is getting to know someone. To allow crushes to develop, to spend time with  a guy you really enjoy spending time with.

In the first stage, life is good. Things are fun. You flirt and build friendships and look around for new guys to meet. You talk to guys with similar interests, you get asked on dates and generally have a very good time. Stage 1 is fun. So very fun. If things could stay in the attraction stage forever, life might be good.

Alas, it cannot be. The point of life is progression. Unfortunately, after the initial attraction grows stale and new feelings start to arise, things get...complicated.

I can't even begin to describe all the things that go wrong in this blog post. The next stage, uncertainty, is the dream-killer. I can't wait to talk about it.

See you next time,
Emily

The New Girl

Three weeks ago, I moved into a new apartment. Since the ward I moved into has a low turnover rate (people apparently stay here forever) and I moved in during the middle of the summer, people have been rather excited to meet me, which has been fun. I think it's God's way of making up for all the times when I moved in elementary school and middle school and all my new classmates would say, "That's the new girl? Boring!" I'm a fairly normal (okay, you're right, make that outwardly-not-psychotic) girl who goes to school and is active in church, so people in Provo are quite welcoming. Especially all the nerds who consider me one of their own.

Everyone has been nice and wonderful and made me feel right at home. This may be the first year I've moved into a new place and haven't spent the first week feeling all alone and woe-is-me because I'm an insignificant nobody in the sea of perfect Mormons. I feel good. Like I belong here. Like people are actually pleased to have me here. Which is incredibly nice.

However, because I'm me and I'm completely neurotic, I still have problems. There's only one of me, but a bunch of new ward members, so people introduce themselves to me and I forget who they are five minutes later. They remember me because, like I said, the ward seems to be pretty stagnant, so a new face in the middle of the year is newsworthy. I used to be really good at remembering names, but the enormous wave of new acquaintances has shorted out my ability to recognize people. I'll walk by someone and they'll say hi and ask me how I'm doing, and I start to inwardly freak out because I have no idea who they are. Thankfully, I have at least mastered the art of faking it. I'm actually kind of proud of how well I can fake a conversation with someone. You put on a smile, talk in an overly cheery voice, and then ask your roommates who the heck that person was as soon as they leave. I've been doing a lot better though. I can actually recognize people, and I'm even starting to remember names. It's fabulous.

The second problem is something I've mentioned before. When you meet somebody out here, there are only three questions that they ask:
What is your name?
Where are you from?
What do you do?

The first two I understand. If you say you're from a cool place it generates a conversation about what the place is like and stories about other people who have come from that place. Easy way to talk to someone.
The third question continues to irk me. I'm a junior in college and I still can't answer it. Sure, I say "I'm a journalism major at BYU," but people always expect more out of me. They expect me to actually do things, like play soccer or ski or perform at Carnegie Hall. They don't want the truthful answer: "What do I do? Well, um, I cry over fictional characters, I devour teen fantasy books like candy (if I liked candy, that is), I listen to musical soundtracks over and over again, I binge-watch TV shows on Netflix,  and I Wikipedia my favorite celebrities. That's it. That's my life."
You can't actually say that to people! I don't want people to shun me. I really enjoy having friends, as hard as that is to believe. I have a decent social life.
Luckily, even this issue has not turned out to be so terrible. I've completely given up trying to hide who I am, or make myself seem like an ordinary Mormon girl. One of my uncles asked me a few months ago why I couldn't just be normal for once, and the answer is I don't know how, and I don't care to learn. My solution has been to slip little bits of myself into the initial conversation, and then gauge the response of the other person. "Oh, I like to read...mostly young adult books...I love movies...I like doing fun social things..." Sometimes the person will respond by asking whether I've read a book series, or watched a certain movie or TV show, and if I have, then I know we can be friends. Sometimes the other person will say "That's cool" and then slowly drift away, which is fine with me. The system works out pretty well. I briefly considered passing out cards with lists of fandoms (that is, a certain book series, movie series, TV show, or other form of entertainment that develops a cult following) to everyone in the ward saying to check all that apply, but I think natural conversation is probably safer, from a social standpoint.

Still, I wish there were a different set of questions, just to spice things up a little. Life can be so dull sometimes, with everyone talking about the weather and whatnot. What if we asked these questions when we met someone:
What is your Patronus?
Which elemental nation do you identify with?
What is your favorite foreign accent?
Who would be your godly parent, if you were a demigod?
Which new fashion trend bugs you the most?
Which CD could you listen to over and over?
Which movie can you quote the best?
What is your favorite kind of cheesecake?
Which Pixar movie made you cry the most?

I think these questions tell a lot more about a person than "What do you do?" That's so boring. And if you honestly can't answer any of these questions, then you probably aren't reading my blog. Or you're my relatives. But you guys have to love me, so whatever.

Living in the moment until the new girl glow wears off,
Who's that girl?
It's Em!!!
:)