Elderly Facebook Users

Years and years ago, when that egotistical jerk Mark Zuckerberg created The Facebook and simultaneously screwed over all of his friends (including Spiderman, of all people), he envisioned his brainchild as a place where college students and other members of his generation could connect online in an organized and easy-to-use environment.*

As time passed, and Facebook grew in popularity, that easy-to-use format spelled the end for the "hipness" of the site. As more people from older generations ventured deeper into the Internet, they discovered a magical place where they could closely monitor every detail of their young relatives' lives. Pictures, shared links, relationship updates...all were available in a convenient stream of information. The secrets of the young were at their fingertips. All they had to do was scroll down.

The growing popularity of Facebook in all demographics was worrisome for Millennials. The Internet had once been the refuge of the young and nerdy, but now grandma was sharing Buzzfeed articles on your timeline and expecting a response. With a new feature, she can even "favorite" you and have all of your recent activity appear at the top of her newsfeed every time she logs on. We have entered into a new era of technology.

The Internet generation had two choices: refuse to accept the friend requests of all of our relatives, or bear the humiliation of having your mother chastise you in a comment in humble silence. To avoid messy family dinners, we accepted the friend requests, and we accepted the requests to be labeled as family. As we did this, we began to notice something: not all older relatives are created equal when it comes to the Internet. Some people from older generations are actually good at Facebook. They post funny pictures, they share interesting articles, they only post relevant comments that enhance the conversation on your status updates. Luckily, every single one of my relatives fits into this category. However, there is another group. A group that makes us despair of the state of our society. A group that makes us all want to flee to Google+, as terrifying, confusing, and hipster as it is. A group who we choose to simply ignore rather than risk burning bridges. 

They are the Elderly Facebook Users.

An Elderly Facebook User, or EFU, is anyone over the age of 35 who simply cannot grasp Facebook etiquette. There are many unwritten laws that Facebook users follow in order to survive the Facebook experience, and the EFUs break every single one of them. They are the people who make you cringe when you see that you've received a notification from them. The ones who kind of put a damper on your day when they blatantly refuse to get the extremely clever joke you posted. 

Why does this matter, you may ask? Who cares who's posting what on Facebook. Well, I care. It makes me sad. I notice these EFUs mainly on the statuses of my friends, when I see the same person posting the same kind of comment on every single update, and I just cringe a little. Facebook is such a wonderful tool to facilitate communication and maintain bonds with people you aren't physically close to, but the EFUs occasionally make it difficult to accomplish these goals. This is why I'm proposing a change in the Facebook algorithm. From now on, Facebook will be able to sense when an EFU-style comment is about to be posted, and they will block it until the user corrects whatever they were about to unleash on the world that is guaranteed to make their Internet-savvy friends squirm.

Examples would include:

-Completely misunderstanding a joke

For instance: You say, "Only Bonnie Tyler understands me. Where HAVE all the good men gone?" and they comment, "Your father and grandfather are very good men! You have wonderful role models!"

-Closely related: Completely misunderstanding sarcasm

For instance: You say, "Well, today sucked. Definitely dropping out of school and joining the circus" and they comment, "The circus doesn't offer many promotional opportunities. You really are better off getting a degree. You can do it!"

-Offering completely unasked for and unneeded advice, esp. when the poster just needed to vent a little (see Youtube video "It's Not About the Nail" for more info)

Real-life example: One time, my roommate posted, "I came home from class and my roommate was still asleep!" Somebody she knew commented, "There is a time to sleep and a time to study. It's not worth missing classes to stay in bed." I was the roommate in question, and I had a night job. I worked until 1 AM. My first class wasn't until 2 PM. My roommate had early morning classes. I was understandably upset that someone I didn't even know was judging me for getting some much-needed and perfectly acceptable rest. And it's not a good idea to make me angry while I'm sleep deprived.

-Ruining the thread of a comment conversation by asking a question that would be better presented in a different venue

For instance: You post something about the new season of Sherlock. Someone comments, and you and your friends start discussing and speculating. Suddenly, Great-aunt Mildred says, "Are you still in the nursing program?" effectively killing the conversation because nobody wants to comment after that.

-Overusing LOL

I see this a lot, and I don't get it. 1. I know you're not really laughing that much. 2. You are neither saying anything funny or trying to diffuse a tense situation 3. Why on earth is it always capitalized? 

I have noticed a significant decline in the use of "lol" amongst people my own age over the past couple of years. Luckily, we still have "haha." I don't know how we're going to express amusement when that's taken. 

-Telling ridiculously long stories

For instance: You say, "I got a new car today! I named him Sirius. Not even joking" and all of sudden someone is going off about they took an astronomy class one time and some girl wore her boyfriend's sweatshirt every day and then halfway through winter semester they ended up breaking up DURING CLASS and it was messy and he made her give the sweatshirt back and she had to walk home through the snow in short sleeves. And you're just sitting there in tears because every time you think about your new car you're remembering that fight in the Department of Mysterious and you haven't quite come to terms with it, even though it's been ten years. So your best friend's uncle's brother-in-law's story isn't exactly what you feel like reading. 

-Constantly sharing things

You've seen these: I am a PROUD AMERICAN. Share this if you're HONORED to live in this country. 

Stop child abuse! Get the word out. 99% won't repost. I'm counting on the 1% who will! 

LIKE this page to remove Obama from office!

Sign this petition to get porn off the Internet!

(I have some very conservative friends)

It's not that the ideas are bad. It's just that they're pointless and unnecessary and I sometimes block people if they post too many of them. (Did I type that out loud?)

-Guilt trips

For instance: You post something, anything, and the first response is "I'd be able to help you if you'd call me more." Or "I saw your sister yesterday. Why don't you ever visit?" Or "Really would've appreciated a comment for my birthday last week" (even if you went to their party and said happy birthday in person). Or (and this is my personal favorite) "Why don't you ever reply to my comments."

Oh, Great-aunt Mildred. I love you so much. And I sure do appreciate that picture of a puppy you posted on my timeline three times last week. 

Facebook is not life. Facebook is simply a platform to share ideas and stay in touch. Luckily, we live in a free country where anybody can say anything on the Internet that they want, for good or ill, so those EFUs have every right to keep on posting. All I ask is that next time I'm having a discussion about Harry Potter, instead of commenting "I don't know what any of this means. LOL!" please, just please, let me geek out. Us Millennials need our time to socialize without actually having to go out and be social. 

And before you get all up in arms, remember: you raised us this way. 

Emily <3

*My only source of information for the Facebook creation story came from the movie The Social Network, but I'm sure it's 100% accurate. 

The World According to Aunt Boo

If you know my Aunt Bonnie, you know she is one of the most incredible women in the world, someone who is always there for you no matter what. If you don't know my Aunt Bonnie, I'm sorry. You really should meet her. She's the best.

I've been put in charge of writing her memoirs, but as she is still living life to the fullest I'm going to wait a bit longer. However, in honor of her birthday today, I am going to share some of the best Bonnie-isms that I have been taught over the years. This woman is full of wisdom, and the rest of us would be wise to listen to her. We'd eat better, at least.

1. No jankety nails! If you're going to show your toes, they better be buttoned up. God help the poor young woman who comes to church with perfectly styled hair and chipped toenail polish. She will face the wrath of Bonnie.

2. If at all possible, eat good, high-class food. If you can't, a fifty cent soft taco from Del Taco can really hit the spot.

3. Travel. Visit everywhere you can. See everything. And then spend the rest of your life watching movies with your niece and saying, "Oh! Been there!"

4. Send postcards from every place you visit. Your family members and friends will love sharing pieces of the world with you.

5. Stove-top popcorn is the most important part of a balanced diet. Eat it frequently.

6. Airport gift shops are the best place to get books. And boarding passes make the best bookmarks.

7. Holiday-themed candy must be on display at all times. For the children, of course.

8. On that note, there is only one kind of Peep: the yellow chick. No pink bunnies. No Christmas-themed red and green chicks. No Halloween pumpkins. Peeps are only for Easter, when they are to be eaten with great gusto.

9. You can't get anywhere in life without connections. Make friends all around the world and keep them. Doors will open for you.

10. Jamba Juice Pumpkin Smash smoothies are inspired. She would know. She invented them.

11. There is immense power in being a woman. There is nothing you can't do. However, with great power comes great responsibility. Recognize the influence you can have on those around you, and don't abuse it. Boys are awesome, but sometimes they can be kind of dumb. We have to be a good example for them.

12. See's Candies is one of those places that takes you a little closer to heaven. But she isn't paying unless you buy dark chocolate. Her exact words: "I don't understand people who eat milk chocolate. What's the point?"

13. You don't need stuff to make you happy...but it doesn't hurt. For instance, you can never have too many shoes.

14. Gold jewelry is always worth it.

15. There are a few kitchen implements that are must-haves, including blenders, adorable mugs, a large popcorn pot, and cheese graters that come with their own containers to hold the shredded cheese.

16. Certain occasions necessitate certain types of food. Sandwiches for picnics? No honey. Deli chicken is the way to go. The ONLY way to go.

17. There is such a thing as too much squash.

18. There is no law that says you have to sleep in a bed. Often you'll find that the couch is just as comfortable, if not more so.

19. Go to live shows. Go to jazz concerts, go to country performances, go see your favorite 80s bands and your favorite indie bands. Go to Austin for South by Southwest. Just go and soak it all in.

20. Make friends with people who have a boat. Or a cabin. Or ATVs. Or all three.

21. S'meeps are a thing
http://www.seriouseats.com/2009/04/how-to-make-smeeps-smores-plus-peeps-easter-candy.html

22. A little bit of garlic and butter can improve essentially any dish.

23. Every child deserves an auntie to spoil the crap out of them. And to issue a "beatin'" (a raspberry on your stomach. If you've never experienced it consider yourself lucky) if necessary.

24. Buy a car with a sunroof so you can tan your face at stoplights. A little bit of sun each day keeps the seasonal depression away.

25. Sometimes, you'll have low potassium and you'll be forced to eat bananas. Be a big girl and just do it.

26. The beach. Go to the beach. Go to the beach in California. Go to the beach in Oregon. Go to the beach in New England. Go to the beach in Ireland. Take a walk along the shore early in the morning. This is not an experience to be missed.

27. Rules for getting your nails done: manicure every two weeks, pedicure every month. Have your select colors for every season. Find a nice, clean salon where you can't understand what the employees are saying and where they don't reuse disposable tools.

28. The only two Spanish words you need to know are "Dónde" and "Comer." One gets you where you need to go and one gets you food.

29. Electric blankets are a beautiful thing.

30. Toaster ovens are SIGNIFICANTLY better than microwaves.

31. Animals don't belong downstairs, but that doesn't mean you can't love them while they're upstairs.

32. Nicknames are very important. I don't think Bonnie has ever actually called me by my real name. It will be a sad day if she ever does.

33. A college education isn't always necessary. A life education is.

34. An LDS ward is like a family, and you're all responsible for taking care of each other.

35. Enjoy life. No matter what it throws at you, make the most of it. The world is a big, beautiful place, and there's plenty to entertain and inspire.

Happy Birthday, Aunt Bonnie. Thanks for taking such good care of me these past few years. You're the best aunt anyone could ask for. I love you!

Why Dating at BYU is Really Complicated

I couldn't come up with a creative title at all. It just is what it is. Last time, I wrote about the first stage of dating: attraction. Sometimes, this is the stage that last the longest at BYU, which is why I'm dedicating two blog posts to it. In the first one I discussed how fun the stage is. At least, it's fun for someone like me, who runs like a startled fawn at the first sign of commitment (in other words, don't expect a marriage announcement any time soon). But it's not even just me. Dating is hard. Dating is hard anyway, and it's especially hard at BYU. Here's why:

The Pressure: Marriage is kind of a big deal. In fact, according to LDS theology, it is one of the most important things you will ever do. Ever. In this life or the next. When you get married in our temples, it's forever. One person. For the rest of your entire existence. Which is always. So you better make the right choice! And you better make it fast, because eventually you'll run out of choices. This pressure sometimes (or often) causes young Mormon people to rush into engagement or marriage, and sometimes it doesn't work out. And then it's really hard. Because...

The Judging: Mormons are great people. We really do try to do the right thing. But we are so judgey. It's ridiculous sometimes. We may not mean to do it. But we do. Tattoos, piercings, divorces, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, older single adults, immodest clothing...any visible sign that the person in question is *gasp!* not perfect. How DARE someone have made a mistake? Oh wait... I honestly do think it's getting better, at least among my age group. We're more open-minded and less spiteful than some older people I've seen (yes, that sounds judgey, but it's true). However, when it comes to dating, we are still swift to judge. She kissed two boys in one week? Slut. She's never kissed anyone? Prude. He's not ready for a serious girlfriend? Baby. He's asking multiple girls on dates? Player. It's kind of sad, the way we think about and treat each other. Obviously we should all try to act appropriately and do what we feel is right, but since when does a first date mean you gave to get married (hint: never.) And unless you or a close friend are getting hurt, or starting down a bad path, guess what? Someone else's behavior is none of your gosh darn business. 

The Watching: And yet, how can we not judge when we see every single step of a couple's relationship unfold before our eyes? My apartment complex is one big square, with about two hundred tenants, and if someone is coming or going from a date, you see it. If someone is late getting home, you see it. If someone is holding hands, you see it. If someone is kissing...well sometimes they're discreet and kiss other places. But you know about it quickly. The point is, we all live so close together that word travels fast. Crazy fast. Unless you go out of your way to hide your relationship, people are going to find out. And they will talk. And suddenly, your feelings, fears, insecurities, and hopes are on display for the whole world to see. Sometimes that's okay, because if things are going well and you're absolutely happy and eager to move forward quickly, nothing that anyone thinks or says can affect you. But what if you're less than sure? What if you aren't ready to be serious?

The Choices: What if, for instance, you wanted to go on second date with this one guy, but he saw you coming home from a date with another guy (because you aren't going to shut yourself down after one date. That's the definition of insanity) and he, for some reason, assumed you're taken? Or uninterested? What if you start dating one of these guys more regularly, but another one catches your eye. Oh, you have much more in common with this second one. So you go on a date with him. Now you have to two guys to decide between! Not a problem, you're not serious with either, and they know you're just trying to get to know more people. You can just have fun! But now there's this third guy...he's really cute, and oh, he gave the most beautiful talk on Sunday. How you could say no? People often say, "It's so easy to find somebody at BYU! You better make sure to get married while you're there, but your options seriously dry up when you graduate." I get that. If I moved to say, New York City, there probably won't be very many attractive, single, Mormon men leaning against my buzzer. However, when you're at BYU you get so picky. A guy would be a real catch at home is substandard here. Same for girls. She's beautiful and smart and funny...but her cookies aren't that great. Or she's a talented musician...but her nose is kind of big. He has a fabulous personality and always makes me laugh...but he wore socks with sandals. Man, there is no one to date up here! You see the problem? Because there are so many choices, people are less likely to stick with someone and give them a chance. If they don't fall in love immediately, they assume the relationship is doomed and they move on to the next person. And sure, you can say "Don't get serious! Just have fun!" all you want, but it's more fun to have fun with someone you actually know and want to spend more time with, and not just the next checked box on your list of "eligible bachelors."

What's a poor, single, BYU student to do with all these challenges? Well, you can get over them and go out there and live your life and hope it all works out because, darn it, you can do this. Or you can sit in your apartment eating cheesecake and watching Pride and Prejudice. Because dating is really hard, and Mr. Darcy understands.

Oh, Darcy. I do love you. Most ardently.

Emily <3

Yet Another Post About Dating!

Feel free to exit very quickly if you don't want to hear me ramble about my sad attempts at dating yet again. If, however, you're really bored at work or something, by all means continue. It's something to distract you, right?

So I'm in a new apartment complex and a new ward. That means...new boys! You see, I spent the first nineteen years of my life convinced that I was completely unattractive to the male species. Then I came to Utah and realized that all the girls looked like me and that all the boys had the same interests (except I still hate sports). I definitely fit in better, and guys actually started to like me! It was so exciting I still tear up in happiness just thinking about it.

Despite the fact that guys were actually responding to my weak flirting endeavors, I still have not managed to engage in a serious relationship. There a few reasons for this. First, the word "serious" gives me the shivers. I am so young. Second, "relationships" mean you have to depend on people and be with them, like, all the time. Terrifying. Third, according to this new book that my cousin gave me, I am doing something wrong.

The sad truth is that at some point I'm going to have to get married. And to get married, you need to date. And if you're like me, dating doesn't come naturally. I need a little bit of help.

So in this book that I'm reading, from the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, the author says there are 5 stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and engagement. Cool. That makes sense. I'm buying this. He also says men and women are different. Um, duh. But he goes into detail about how men and women think. This could actually be useful!! What more pearls do you have to offer, John Gray???? Teach me, sensei, of the mysteries of romance! I am willing to learn.

What I need to do then, is look at what I'm learning in the real-life Pink Bible (yes, the book is pink. And that's a reference to Mormon Pride and Prejudice) and apply it to my life. As I've said over and over again, Provo dating is DIFFERENT. I don't know what dating is like in the real world, but here it's kind of intense. The only way to understand what is going on and avoid being overwhelmed is to break it down, which I plan to do over several blog posts.

Let's start with the first stage: attraction.
I show up at my new apartment complex, and there are boys everywhere. Even better, many of them are actually men. And they want to get to know me! At first, I'm meeting a bunch of different people and trying to make a good first impression and remember names and it's just crazy. Luckily, things even out soon, and I'm able to make a real connection with a guy I'd be interested in getting to know. And another. And another. And another.
Um...what?
Here we run into the first few roadblocks of dating in Provo.
1. There are lots and lots of options. Too many options. More on that later.
2. Everybody knows everybody. Word travels fast. It's not always a bad thing. Sometimes, it's fantastic. It can occasionally take some of the stress away because you're not stuck wondering what's going on. Someone knows, and can tell. Other times, though, it can increase drama. And here at Emily's Princess Diary, we try to avoid unnecessary drama.
3. Because you live close to the people you might be interested in, you see them often, and this fact combined with your location in Provo, Utah, causes things to move very fast sometimes. One couple I heard of went on blind date, and are about to be engaged less than three months later.
Whoa.

Although there are lots of ways the attraction stage can go wrong, I have learned how to navigate it. I have the attraction stage DOWN. What I have come to discover is that even Mormon guys care less about what you can do than about what you will do. They care less about your calling in church than if you can make them laugh. I mean, you have to be a good person and have a testimony and everything, but most importantly, you have to be interesting.

In The Book, Mr. Gray gives advice about how you should talk and act on a date, and I have been very excited to learn that I'm doing this stage right. He says not to let the guy talk the whole time because he'll lose interest in you. I don't. He says to be you, but in a way that will make someone interested. I do that, mostly. The most important thing is to play to the guy. Make a connection, but don't give everything away or he'll get bored and move on. It's all a game. Don't even try to deny it, because you know it's true. If you're actually trying to get close to someone, you can't just kiss them and leave it at that. You have to be careful, read signals, and play to your strengths.

As long as you're pretty social and you're careful not to get friendzoned you too can participate in the glory that is attraction. Each of my roommates had a date this past week. Not every guy is as desirable as others, but my theory is that if I do my part and say yes to dates, I will get rewarded with a guy who will actually work out. Remember how, a year and a half ago, I wrote a blog post about the different types of girls? I was a Single Lady, through and through. I regret to inform you that I'm not sure if I fit into that category anymore. I think that I may be...a First Dater. I made a commitment to not say no to any dates unless I had a really good reason and, well, boys have been asking. We'll see how my theory plays out.

The point of the first stage is getting to know someone. To allow crushes to develop, to spend time with  a guy you really enjoy spending time with.

In the first stage, life is good. Things are fun. You flirt and build friendships and look around for new guys to meet. You talk to guys with similar interests, you get asked on dates and generally have a very good time. Stage 1 is fun. So very fun. If things could stay in the attraction stage forever, life might be good.

Alas, it cannot be. The point of life is progression. Unfortunately, after the initial attraction grows stale and new feelings start to arise, things get...complicated.

I can't even begin to describe all the things that go wrong in this blog post. The next stage, uncertainty, is the dream-killer. I can't wait to talk about it.

See you next time,
Emily

The New Girl

Three weeks ago, I moved into a new apartment. Since the ward I moved into has a low turnover rate (people apparently stay here forever) and I moved in during the middle of the summer, people have been rather excited to meet me, which has been fun. I think it's God's way of making up for all the times when I moved in elementary school and middle school and all my new classmates would say, "That's the new girl? Boring!" I'm a fairly normal (okay, you're right, make that outwardly-not-psychotic) girl who goes to school and is active in church, so people in Provo are quite welcoming. Especially all the nerds who consider me one of their own.

Everyone has been nice and wonderful and made me feel right at home. This may be the first year I've moved into a new place and haven't spent the first week feeling all alone and woe-is-me because I'm an insignificant nobody in the sea of perfect Mormons. I feel good. Like I belong here. Like people are actually pleased to have me here. Which is incredibly nice.

However, because I'm me and I'm completely neurotic, I still have problems. There's only one of me, but a bunch of new ward members, so people introduce themselves to me and I forget who they are five minutes later. They remember me because, like I said, the ward seems to be pretty stagnant, so a new face in the middle of the year is newsworthy. I used to be really good at remembering names, but the enormous wave of new acquaintances has shorted out my ability to recognize people. I'll walk by someone and they'll say hi and ask me how I'm doing, and I start to inwardly freak out because I have no idea who they are. Thankfully, I have at least mastered the art of faking it. I'm actually kind of proud of how well I can fake a conversation with someone. You put on a smile, talk in an overly cheery voice, and then ask your roommates who the heck that person was as soon as they leave. I've been doing a lot better though. I can actually recognize people, and I'm even starting to remember names. It's fabulous.

The second problem is something I've mentioned before. When you meet somebody out here, there are only three questions that they ask:
What is your name?
Where are you from?
What do you do?

The first two I understand. If you say you're from a cool place it generates a conversation about what the place is like and stories about other people who have come from that place. Easy way to talk to someone.
The third question continues to irk me. I'm a junior in college and I still can't answer it. Sure, I say "I'm a journalism major at BYU," but people always expect more out of me. They expect me to actually do things, like play soccer or ski or perform at Carnegie Hall. They don't want the truthful answer: "What do I do? Well, um, I cry over fictional characters, I devour teen fantasy books like candy (if I liked candy, that is), I listen to musical soundtracks over and over again, I binge-watch TV shows on Netflix,  and I Wikipedia my favorite celebrities. That's it. That's my life."
You can't actually say that to people! I don't want people to shun me. I really enjoy having friends, as hard as that is to believe. I have a decent social life.
Luckily, even this issue has not turned out to be so terrible. I've completely given up trying to hide who I am, or make myself seem like an ordinary Mormon girl. One of my uncles asked me a few months ago why I couldn't just be normal for once, and the answer is I don't know how, and I don't care to learn. My solution has been to slip little bits of myself into the initial conversation, and then gauge the response of the other person. "Oh, I like to read...mostly young adult books...I love movies...I like doing fun social things..." Sometimes the person will respond by asking whether I've read a book series, or watched a certain movie or TV show, and if I have, then I know we can be friends. Sometimes the other person will say "That's cool" and then slowly drift away, which is fine with me. The system works out pretty well. I briefly considered passing out cards with lists of fandoms (that is, a certain book series, movie series, TV show, or other form of entertainment that develops a cult following) to everyone in the ward saying to check all that apply, but I think natural conversation is probably safer, from a social standpoint.

Still, I wish there were a different set of questions, just to spice things up a little. Life can be so dull sometimes, with everyone talking about the weather and whatnot. What if we asked these questions when we met someone:
What is your Patronus?
Which elemental nation do you identify with?
What is your favorite foreign accent?
Who would be your godly parent, if you were a demigod?
Which new fashion trend bugs you the most?
Which CD could you listen to over and over?
Which movie can you quote the best?
What is your favorite kind of cheesecake?
Which Pixar movie made you cry the most?

I think these questions tell a lot more about a person than "What do you do?" That's so boring. And if you honestly can't answer any of these questions, then you probably aren't reading my blog. Or you're my relatives. But you guys have to love me, so whatever.

Living in the moment until the new girl glow wears off,
Who's that girl?
It's Em!!!
:)

When Cartoons Collide

Oh my GOSH I have missed blogging! I think I stopped because I felt like I was writing to try to please readers instead of to make myself happy, and I started to worry that people weren't going to like what I said, but I've had very limited human contact the past month and a half so I don't care anymore. I need to get the crazies out of my head and on to the Internet, where they belong.

The other day, as I was laying in the dentist's chair, preparing to get my first cavity filled, receiving absolutely no comfort from the image of the Twin Towers that took up the entire ceiling, I began thinking about two of the greatest cartoons ever: Kim Possible and Phineas and Ferb.

I know what you're thinking: "Aren't you a little old to be obsessing over Disney Channel cartoons?" Well, yes, yes I am, but they are so awesomely awesome I don't even care. Let me tell you a little bit about them.

Kim Possible was the best show in the era of Fantastic Disney Channel Shows, sharing it's airtime with such gems as That's So Raven, Phil of the Future, and Lizzy Maguire. It's a show about a Buffy-esque cheerleader who successfully navigates high school while saving the world in her spare time. Also featuring lovable best friend/boyfriend Ron Stoppable and the freakiest animal sidekick ever: Rufus, the naked mole rat (cue theme song).

The real hero of the series

Phineas and Ferb is currently the only good show on Disney Channel, and is possibly one of the most brilliantly written shows of all time. On first glance, the show's plot seems like a tired formula that would quickly get old: An A-plot in which two stepbrothers and their friends try to make each day of summer the Best Day Ever, and a B-plot featuring a secret agent whose day job is to foil the plans of a thoroughly incompetent villain. Of course, Phineas and Ferb's summer involves traveling through time and space, creating self-aware machines that threaten to destroy them, and actively destroying the laws that hold the universe together. (For instance, Phineas says of the law of gravity: "It's a hard and fast law with no chance of appeal? That's despotism! Let's go prove Sir Isaac Newton wrong." And then he does.) Also, the secret agent is a teal platypus in a fedora. 

Agent P!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've often said that Kim Possible and Phineas and Ferb are tied for second on my list of Best Cartoons of All Time, right after Avatar: The Last Airbender (Take that, you rock!) As I was contemplating the brilliance of these two animated shows, I realized that the reason I love them so much is because they're basically the same show.

No seriously. Think about it. You could even spot some similarities in the brief descriptions above, but let's go deeper.

-One of the main characters of both shows is a teenage red-headed girl, who ends up dating a blonde guy.
-She only wears one everyday outfit
-The girl has two younger brothers, who are geniuses, and nerdy father.
-The girl often has a non-white best friend, who is often the voice of reason
-A character in both shows has a secret life fighting crime
-The crime-fighting character receives their mission assignments from a man who basically lives in a screen
-The villains the secret agent must fight are generally not very good at being bad, and their disastrous schemes are easily stopped in the twenty-minute time slot
-One time, the bad guy accidentally won, and it led to an alternate time line apocalyptic future
-The main characters in both shows have as a pet an anthropomorphic animal that is not generally considered pet material (that is, the creators of both shows went with the freakiest, most little-known animal they could find)
-The characters in the show, though children, are either physically, intellectually, or comically superior to normal people.
-They also have cool gadgets.
-And musical numbers. Again, I remind you of the Naked Mole Rap
-They travel all over the world, into space, and through time
-Both shows follow a strict plot formula, but spend the entire time mocking the tropes they're supposed to be representing
-Vanessa Doofenschmirtz=a less evil, but similarly apathetic, Shego
-Slushy Dog=Bueno Nacho
-Both shows are fantastic and hilarious and wonderful and I will show them to my children one day

(Thinking about Kim Possible reminds me of all the good times in my childhood, when Kim and Ron finally getting together was honestly one of the best things that had ever happened to me. I loved that show so ridiculously much. And Kim's probably the only girl I know who looks cool in cargo pants.

Also, there's another whole school of thought that compares both shows to Doctor Who, but I'm not going to touch that one. I guess Kim and Ron are Amy and Rory, and Perry is the Doctor. Who knew.)

There you have it. Phineas and Ferb is the Kim Possible of my little sibling's generation, complete with animal sidekicks that are really only cute in cartoon form. If only they had better live-action shows to accompany it... Alas, Phineas, Ferb, and all their weirdo friends must alone carry the torch of decent children's entertainment--but they're doing a remarkable job. Summer truly does belong to you, guys.

Over-thinking children's media one TV show at a time, I'm forever yours,
Em Possible

Single greatest moment in television history

Dating at BYU: Sophomore Edition

All right guys. This is it. The big one. The one you've all been waiting for. Gone are the days of on-campus living and pre-missionary dating. This year, dating got real. This crap was real life. I've avoided blogging this year because the only things I wanted to write about would get me in trouble, since I already have a tendency to go on and on about my life and rant about nonsense and I figured that it maybe wasn't a good idea to put my deepest thoughts on the Internet anymore.

I really am trying to be less crazy.

However, I do have to share with you my romantic adventures from this year, because, well something kind of incredible happened. I met the love of my life. 

MY TWIN-SIZED TEMPUR-PEDIC MEMORY FOAM MATTRESS COVER ON MY BED

 (a present from my wonderful auntie)

I thought I understood what love was. I'd imagined myself in love before. I was wrong. Those immature feelings of affection were nothing compared to the deep emotional connection I feel with my bed. It understands me. It knows my needs. It's always there for me, no matter what. When I have a bad day, I know that it's back at home, waiting for me. That's what keeps me going. 

Earlier in the year, when I first got my Tempur-Pedic mattress cover, our time together was limited. I didn't get home from work until 2 in the morning, and I had to get up at 9 AM at the latest to get to class, and so my delightful sleeping time was cut miserably short. Luckily, I was able to quit my job and get the full (insert number larger than 6 here) hours of sleep I need to be a happy and functioning human being. 

For the most part.

I do feel better in the mornings now that I'm getting enough sleep, but still. Who enjoys waking up? Certainly not my best friend!

So. Yep. That's my life. Me and my bed and cat pictures on the Internet. It doesn't get much better than this.