If you know my Aunt Bonnie, you know she is one of the most incredible women in the world, someone who is always there for you no matter what. If you don't know my Aunt Bonnie, I'm sorry. You really should meet her. She's the best.
I've been put in charge of writing her memoirs, but as she is still living life to the fullest I'm going to wait a bit longer. However, in honor of her birthday today, I am going to share some of the best Bonnie-isms that I have been taught over the years. This woman is full of wisdom, and the rest of us would be wise to listen to her. We'd eat better, at least.
1. No jankety nails! If you're going to show your toes, they better be buttoned up. God help the poor young woman who comes to church with perfectly styled hair and chipped toenail polish. She will face the wrath of Bonnie.
2. If at all possible, eat good, high-class food. If you can't, a fifty cent soft taco from Del Taco can really hit the spot.
3. Travel. Visit everywhere you can. See everything. And then spend the rest of your life watching movies with your niece and saying, "Oh! Been there!"
4. Send postcards from every place you visit. Your family members and friends will love sharing pieces of the world with you.
5. Stove-top popcorn is the most important part of a balanced diet. Eat it frequently.
6. Airport gift shops are the best place to get books. And boarding passes make the best bookmarks.
7. Holiday-themed candy must be on display at all times. For the children, of course.
8. On that note, there is only one kind of Peep: the yellow chick. No pink bunnies. No Christmas-themed red and green chicks. No Halloween pumpkins. Peeps are only for Easter, when they are to be eaten with great gusto.
9. You can't get anywhere in life without connections. Make friends all around the world and keep them. Doors will open for you.
10. Jamba Juice Pumpkin Smash smoothies are inspired. She would know. She invented them.
11. There is immense power in being a woman. There is nothing you can't do. However, with great power comes great responsibility. Recognize the influence you can have on those around you, and don't abuse it. Boys are awesome, but sometimes they can be kind of dumb. We have to be a good example for them.
12. See's Candies is one of those places that takes you a little closer to heaven. But she isn't paying unless you buy dark chocolate. Her exact words: "I don't understand people who eat milk chocolate. What's the point?"
13. You don't need stuff to make you happy...but it doesn't hurt. For instance, you can never have too many shoes.
14. Gold jewelry is always worth it.
15. There are a few kitchen implements that are must-haves, including blenders, adorable mugs, a large popcorn pot, and cheese graters that come with their own containers to hold the shredded cheese.
16. Certain occasions necessitate certain types of food. Sandwiches for picnics? No honey. Deli chicken is the way to go. The ONLY way to go.
17. There is such a thing as too much squash.
18. There is no law that says you have to sleep in a bed. Often you'll find that the couch is just as comfortable, if not more so.
19. Go to live shows. Go to jazz concerts, go to country performances, go see your favorite 80s bands and your favorite indie bands. Go to Austin for South by Southwest. Just go and soak it all in.
20. Make friends with people who have a boat. Or a cabin. Or ATVs. Or all three.
21. S'meeps are a thing
http://www.seriouseats.com/2009/04/how-to-make-smeeps-smores-plus-peeps-easter-candy.html
22. A little bit of garlic and butter can improve essentially any dish.
23. Every child deserves an auntie to spoil the crap out of them. And to issue a "beatin'" (a raspberry on your stomach. If you've never experienced it consider yourself lucky) if necessary.
24. Buy a car with a sunroof so you can tan your face at stoplights. A little bit of sun each day keeps the seasonal depression away.
25. Sometimes, you'll have low potassium and you'll be forced to eat bananas. Be a big girl and just do it.
26. The beach. Go to the beach. Go to the beach in California. Go to the beach in Oregon. Go to the beach in New England. Go to the beach in Ireland. Take a walk along the shore early in the morning. This is not an experience to be missed.
27. Rules for getting your nails done: manicure every two weeks, pedicure every month. Have your select colors for every season. Find a nice, clean salon where you can't understand what the employees are saying and where they don't reuse disposable tools.
28. The only two Spanish words you need to know are "Dónde" and "Comer." One gets you where you need to go and one gets you food.
29. Electric blankets are a beautiful thing.
30. Toaster ovens are SIGNIFICANTLY better than microwaves.
31. Animals don't belong downstairs, but that doesn't mean you can't love them while they're upstairs.
32. Nicknames are very important. I don't think Bonnie has ever actually called me by my real name. It will be a sad day if she ever does.
33. A college education isn't always necessary. A life education is.
34. An LDS ward is like a family, and you're all responsible for taking care of each other.
35. Enjoy life. No matter what it throws at you, make the most of it. The world is a big, beautiful place, and there's plenty to entertain and inspire.
Happy Birthday, Aunt Bonnie. Thanks for taking such good care of me these past few years. You're the best aunt anyone could ask for. I love you!
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