My BYU Family

You know how they say when you go to BYU the people in your ward become like your real brothers and sisters? It's not that simple.

It all started when Tyler and Monica and I started getting super close. We felt like family! Monica has a very maternal bent, so she became Tyler's mother. Tyler was called to be the FHE dad for his group (which is not my group), and since I'm a bit immature, I became his daughter. The FHE mom for my group is my roommate Lindsay, and after Tyler proposed to her, she became his wife, and my real mother. Our other friend, Blake, is also Tyler and Lindsay's child. Tyler's old friend from Texas, Brianne, had long been called the mother of their group, and so when we met her, she and Monica agreed to be co-moms.
Recap so far: Monica is Tyler's mother, and my grandmother. Tyler is my father, and Lindsay is my and Blake's birth mother. Blake is my brother. We don't know who Tyler's father is. His other, adoptive, mother is Brianne.
BUT WAIT.
Tyler is also married to the FHE mom for his group, Sheryl. His roommate Peter is also in his group, and so is their son.
Recap: Tyler has two wives, and three children.
BUT WAIT.
Tyler started dating-for-real Courtney (btw that's the serious relationship I was talking about in my dating post), making her his third wife. Together, they are the parents of Tyler's other four roommates, Nic, Josh, Dayne, and Ryan. Courtney is also married to her roommate, Kelley.
Recap: Tyler has three wives, and eight children.
BUT WAIT.
Lindsay is ALSO married to her for-real FHE husband, other Tyler, aka TTyler (the extra T is for extra talent). This is where things get really, really complicated, because that makes TTyler the father to both me and Monica. We aren't sure which Tyler is my real birth father, probably single-T Tyler, but they both raised me. If Tyler was my father, Monica is my grandma. If TTyler is my father, Monica is my sister.
Recap: Tyler is married to three women, and his wife Courtney is married to a fourth. Lindsay is married to both Tylers. She has two children, and is unsure of which Tyler fathered them. Tyler and Sheryl have one child, Pete. Tyler and Courtney have four children, and I believe Kelley and Courtney are soon to adopt a child. Monica is Tyler's mother, and TTyler is her father. This makes Lindsay Monica's stepmom, making Lindsay both my mom and step-great-grandma.
BUT WAIT.
Monica's origins are ambiguous. TTyler is her father, but no one knows who her mother is. What happened next is this. Earlier in the year, one of the apartments in the guy's dorm had taken to calling one of their roommates, Jeff, "dad", because he is apparently very paternal. They also called their RA, Bryant, "mom", because that's basically what RA's are. One day, Monica asked Jeff if she could call him dad too, and he agreed, thus adding himself to our crazy family tree. He is still the father of his apartment-mates, and Bryant is the "mother" of his apartment-mates, as well as Jeff's apartment-mates, as well as Monica.
Recap: Bryant and Jeff are the parents of Monica and TTyler, because TTyler is one of Bryant's apartment-mates. The two of them have a total of nine children. They are Tyler's grandparents, and my great-grandparents. All of their children are my uncles, except for TTyler, who is my father (maybe) and Monica, who is my grandmother (or possibly sister, if TTyler is my real father.) Tyler is married to Bryant and Jeff's daughter-in-law.
BUT WAIT.
A couple of days ago, Courtney's roommates were added to the family. Tia and her boyfriend are Courtney's grandparents, and Beth and her boyfriend are Courtney's parents. It is basically the only line on the tree that makes any sense whatsoever. Actually, I take that back. It all makes sense. Here's the story.

Bryant and Jeff adopted eight sons: Bryce, Ty, Nathan, Nathan, Michael, TTyler, Stephen, Murphy, and Rob. TTyler had a child (Monica) at a young age, but the mother left and we don't know who she is. TTyler was unprepared for fatherhood, so gave his child to his parents (Bryant and Jeff) to raise. Thus her biological grandparents became her for-all-intents-and-purposes parents, and her uncles became her brothers. She, like her father, also had a child at a young age (Tyler). We are likewise currently unaware of his other parent. Monica gave him up for adoption to Brianne, but re-entered Tyler's life several years later. Upon reaching adulthood, Tyler participated in an arranged marriage with Sheryl, which resulted in one son. He then married Lindsay, who was already married to TTyler (so he married his step-grandmother). Lindsay had two children, but we haven't figured out who fathered whom. We do believe that Tyler is my father, and TTyler is Blake's father. Possibly. In physical appearances, that seems to be the case, but we aren't sure. In any case, I'm Tyler's favorite child (fact). Tyler then married Courtney, and they had four children. Courtney then married Kelley, and they haven't had any children, but are considering adopting a son. I think that about sums it up. We have four generations in our family, with a bit of overlap with Monica and TTyler. I hope this answers all the questions you have about our family tree!
(The family tree is in my pictures on Facebook.)

Holiday Season

It's here guys. My absolute favorite time of year. There's just something about Christmas that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Now that the other holiday is over, there are no more excuses. It is officially Christmas time, and I'm ready. 

But back to that "other holiday." You guys know what I'm talking about. It happens once a year, in the last week of November.  It's a chance for all the citizens of this country to show their appreciation for all the great opportunities we have. 

That's right. I'm talking about Black Friday.

For the past month, every time I've tried to watch TV, I've been bombarded by commercial after commercial advertising all of the fantastic Black Friday sales.  The idea of Black Friday is terrifying enough by itself, even without the sense of doom I feel for the human race as I take in the idiotic portrayals of American consumers in the commercials. Step back and think about it for a second: millions of people spend the entire weekend in a fight to the death to get their hands on cheaply priced material garbage that they don't need. People form battle plans, camp out in front of stores. When the stores open, shoppers fight and claw their way to the front of the line, using whatever means necessary to obtain the fancy piece of technology that they just can't live without. People pepper spray fellow shoppers. They knock each other over, trample others into the ground. People die on Black Friday. It's like that beginning battle in the Hunger Games, when all of the combatants are trying to get supplies out of the cornucopia thing, except the Black Friday shoppers aren't fighting for their survival. They're fighting to get more stuff. 

That's all Black Friday is, a chance for people to get new stuff to replace the old stuff that they've grown tired of. Now I'm the first to defend and support the American capitalist system, but the degree of sheer materialism surrounding Black Friday is disgusting. Whatever it's noble origins-helping the economy, helping the stores to get rid of excess merchandise and turn a real profit, allowing the consumers to make important purchases at a low cost-the trouble people will go through to buy a few items is sickening. It's just shopping, guys. The things you're buying? They are just that, things! You're just going to replace them next year, when you repeat the cycle. People DIE during Black Friday sales. Does no one else see a problem with this?

Sure, Black Friday is great if money is tight and you really, really need to get a new fridge, or cheap clothes. I understand. I love sales! I love shopping! What I don't love is insanity. The rampant consumerism of Black Friday (and it's infant sister, Cyber Monday) has all but eclipsed Thanksgiving. All of you people who were complaining about Christmas taking over Thanksgiving, look around you. You ask someone, "What was your favorite part of Thanksgiving?" and half the time they'll say "Black Friday shopping!" The one time a year people are actually thankful for what they have, and it's been completely eclipsed by consumerism and greed.

I'm going to keep singing my Christmas songs, thank you very much. 

Sorry about this, I know this didn't live up to my last blog post, which apparently was well-liked. My family home evening dad, Tyler (not to be confused with the other Tyler, who isn't in my FHE group but is still my father, according to our very screwed up family tree), went so far as to come up to my apartment to talk to me about my blog, and my feelings on various aspects of the BYU dating world. It made my day. Anyway, the Black Friday thing was bugging me all week, and I just needed to rant about it. I mean, there I am, just trying to watch my Friends marathon, and every ten minutes I had to endure crap like this:

Woman shopper to other woman shopper: "Look, it's Doris! She's a Black Friday living legend. She even named her kid 'Black Friday'." Garbage.

But it's all over now, and I actually had a fantastic Thanksgiving Break. I told everyone that I was going to sleep, eat, and watch TV, and that's exactly what I did. I would stay up all night watching Friends (my new obsession), sleep in until one in the afternoon, stumble upstairs, and eat some delicious meal prepared by my wonderful grandmother. It was the most relaxing and beautiful Thanksgiving Break I've ever had. 

The best part?

It's Christmas time now :)

Here's hoping that everyone has a flipping awesome Christmas season.

Love you!

Emily <3

Mating Season

This is a post I've wanted to write for a while, since I think it's so funny and fascinating, but I didn't want to come off sounding whiney or desperate. I'm in a good place now, so I think I can reflect on this interesting phenomenon without making anyone think I'm bitter.

Yes, I'm talking about dating at BYU.

As I arrived on BYU campus, I was immediately assaulted by visions of heavenly glory I'd never before seen in real life. After years of spending my weekends at debate tournaments (where dating opportunities aren't easy to find), after the never-ending procession of fourteen-year-old boys asking me to dance, suddenly I was surrounded by thousands of gorgeous guys MY AGE OR OLDER. No more would I revel in the looks on the freshman boys faces as I announced, "I'm 18!" No more would I have to ask brazenly personal questions to drag some semblance of intelligent communication out of my dance partner. I was the young one again. And these guys walking around campus? They are good-looking. They are nice. The best feeling in the world is when some random guy opens the door for you. If I were Julie Andrews, I'd include it in my "Favorite Things" song. Just the other day, Monica and I were walking home from the Creamery, struggling to lug home all of the food we needed to make it to the Millennium (or next week), when two perfect strangers asked us if we needed help. They took all of our bags and carried them home for us. Chivalry is alive, guys, or at least it is at BYU.

But enough of that. Let me tell all you folks at home what exactly BYU dating is like. Or, at least, my personal interpretation of dating. Let me start with a quick glossary though, so that what I'm saying actually makes sense:

Dating: going on dates, which is a separate activity from
Going out: Being boyfriend and girlfriend
NCMO: non-commital make-out. Pretty self-explanatory. Kind of like what Harry was trying to do with        Cho until she started to cry and he felt obliged to ask her on a date
DTR: define the relationship. The super-awkward talk you have with the person you like to make sure
they feel the same way
Dear John: the letter every missionary loves to get, where their girlfriend back home breaks up with them, usually to get married to another guy.
RM: a young man, fresh off his mission, on the prowl for an eternal companion

As far as I see it, there are two types of dating: 1) Fun dates, where you ask out every girl you know just for the joy of hanging out with new people and 2) Serious dates, where you are going out with someone you like in the hopes of forming a relationship. Each is worthwhile in its own way. My roommate, Lindsay, is the perfect example of a participant of the first type. She goes on dates every weekend. I thinks she's done just about every imaginable date activity, from going to concerts to having water-color painting contests. From the stories she tells, the dates are fun, but they don't mean anything. Some people love that. They love going on silly dates where everyone has a good time and there isn't a question of commitment. My good friend Susan told me before we came to BYU that she just couldn't wait to start going to cheesy dates.

Serious dating is a bit more like the "worldly" dating that was the norm every other place I've ever lived. You like someone, and they like you, you talk a bit, hang out a bit, and BAM! true love. Ok not really. But these are the dates that mean something. Where you're spending time with the person because there isn't anybody else you'd rather be with. And then you start holding hands, and cuddling, and maybe kissing, and then you have a DTR and you're a couple! Serious is dating is so much more adorable than fun dating, in my opinion.

Personally, I'm not into "fun dates". If I go on a date with someone, I want it to mean something. Maybe it's because of the circumstances I was raised in. My church friends and school friends never coincided. For non-Mormons, when someone asks you on a date, it means they like you. All of my Mormon friends and acquaintances, however, told me again and again "it's ok to go on a date with someone you don't like! Just have fun!" I can't do it. Movies, books, and my friends have ingrained in me the idea that a date is a romantic situation. Luckily for those who feel the same way, serious dating does exist at BYU, even among freshman! Of course, you have to keep in mind that this guy that you're so attracted to is going to leave you in a couple months, to go on a mission. And thus, the NCMO is born. I'm assuming that anyone reading this blog is familiar with the concept of a non-commital make-out. Whenever I think of NCMO's, I think of that scene at the end of the first Spider-Man. You know, where Peter Parker and Mary Jane are in the cemetery, and he kisses her, and then tells her that they can't be together and walks away. Ouch. On the other hand, a NCMO is much less painful than the alternative if you try and force commitment: the infamous Dear John. Best Two Years, anyone? Now that I'm here at BYU, developing close friendships with some guys and falling head over heels for others, I realize that two years is a really long time. When these guys get back, I'm going to be a completely different person. That's why dating, for me, seems so pointless right now. Sure, if you love those cheesy dates, go for it! Have an awesome time! But I want to like a guy, and have him like me back. Unfortunately, no matter how much I like a guy and want to be with him, he has a job to do. And I've accepted it. I have fun with my friends. I have fun with my "baby crushes," as I call them. Maybe next year some ridiculously amazing RM will come in and sweep me off my feet. We can elope in the Provo Temple. Ok, that's a bit far-fetched, even more my imagination, but the point I'm trying to get at is that all of the stereotypes at BYU are completely, utterly, 100% true. Just not for me. And I'm happy with that* :)

Next year, all of that will change. You see, freshman year you have the principle of "catch and release". All the guys are leaving, so you know that unless you move super fast, no real, lasting relationships are going to form. Next year, when all my guy friends are gone, I'll have to start hanging out with RM's. And RM's have been commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. Yikes. So, I'm guessing sophomore year will be very different! Oh the joys of Mormon college.

This was just a very brief survey of the world of dating at BYU. I'm sure there's so much else going on, so many intricacies and subtleties that I haven't experienced or heard about, but I hope this proved interesting and entertaining.

Peace and blessings, y'all, peace and blessings! <3 Emily

*Disclaimer: I do have a social life. I promise.