Mating Season

This is a post I've wanted to write for a while, since I think it's so funny and fascinating, but I didn't want to come off sounding whiney or desperate. I'm in a good place now, so I think I can reflect on this interesting phenomenon without making anyone think I'm bitter.

Yes, I'm talking about dating at BYU.

As I arrived on BYU campus, I was immediately assaulted by visions of heavenly glory I'd never before seen in real life. After years of spending my weekends at debate tournaments (where dating opportunities aren't easy to find), after the never-ending procession of fourteen-year-old boys asking me to dance, suddenly I was surrounded by thousands of gorgeous guys MY AGE OR OLDER. No more would I revel in the looks on the freshman boys faces as I announced, "I'm 18!" No more would I have to ask brazenly personal questions to drag some semblance of intelligent communication out of my dance partner. I was the young one again. And these guys walking around campus? They are good-looking. They are nice. The best feeling in the world is when some random guy opens the door for you. If I were Julie Andrews, I'd include it in my "Favorite Things" song. Just the other day, Monica and I were walking home from the Creamery, struggling to lug home all of the food we needed to make it to the Millennium (or next week), when two perfect strangers asked us if we needed help. They took all of our bags and carried them home for us. Chivalry is alive, guys, or at least it is at BYU.

But enough of that. Let me tell all you folks at home what exactly BYU dating is like. Or, at least, my personal interpretation of dating. Let me start with a quick glossary though, so that what I'm saying actually makes sense:

Dating: going on dates, which is a separate activity from
Going out: Being boyfriend and girlfriend
NCMO: non-commital make-out. Pretty self-explanatory. Kind of like what Harry was trying to do with        Cho until she started to cry and he felt obliged to ask her on a date
DTR: define the relationship. The super-awkward talk you have with the person you like to make sure
they feel the same way
Dear John: the letter every missionary loves to get, where their girlfriend back home breaks up with them, usually to get married to another guy.
RM: a young man, fresh off his mission, on the prowl for an eternal companion

As far as I see it, there are two types of dating: 1) Fun dates, where you ask out every girl you know just for the joy of hanging out with new people and 2) Serious dates, where you are going out with someone you like in the hopes of forming a relationship. Each is worthwhile in its own way. My roommate, Lindsay, is the perfect example of a participant of the first type. She goes on dates every weekend. I thinks she's done just about every imaginable date activity, from going to concerts to having water-color painting contests. From the stories she tells, the dates are fun, but they don't mean anything. Some people love that. They love going on silly dates where everyone has a good time and there isn't a question of commitment. My good friend Susan told me before we came to BYU that she just couldn't wait to start going to cheesy dates.

Serious dating is a bit more like the "worldly" dating that was the norm every other place I've ever lived. You like someone, and they like you, you talk a bit, hang out a bit, and BAM! true love. Ok not really. But these are the dates that mean something. Where you're spending time with the person because there isn't anybody else you'd rather be with. And then you start holding hands, and cuddling, and maybe kissing, and then you have a DTR and you're a couple! Serious is dating is so much more adorable than fun dating, in my opinion.

Personally, I'm not into "fun dates". If I go on a date with someone, I want it to mean something. Maybe it's because of the circumstances I was raised in. My church friends and school friends never coincided. For non-Mormons, when someone asks you on a date, it means they like you. All of my Mormon friends and acquaintances, however, told me again and again "it's ok to go on a date with someone you don't like! Just have fun!" I can't do it. Movies, books, and my friends have ingrained in me the idea that a date is a romantic situation. Luckily for those who feel the same way, serious dating does exist at BYU, even among freshman! Of course, you have to keep in mind that this guy that you're so attracted to is going to leave you in a couple months, to go on a mission. And thus, the NCMO is born. I'm assuming that anyone reading this blog is familiar with the concept of a non-commital make-out. Whenever I think of NCMO's, I think of that scene at the end of the first Spider-Man. You know, where Peter Parker and Mary Jane are in the cemetery, and he kisses her, and then tells her that they can't be together and walks away. Ouch. On the other hand, a NCMO is much less painful than the alternative if you try and force commitment: the infamous Dear John. Best Two Years, anyone? Now that I'm here at BYU, developing close friendships with some guys and falling head over heels for others, I realize that two years is a really long time. When these guys get back, I'm going to be a completely different person. That's why dating, for me, seems so pointless right now. Sure, if you love those cheesy dates, go for it! Have an awesome time! But I want to like a guy, and have him like me back. Unfortunately, no matter how much I like a guy and want to be with him, he has a job to do. And I've accepted it. I have fun with my friends. I have fun with my "baby crushes," as I call them. Maybe next year some ridiculously amazing RM will come in and sweep me off my feet. We can elope in the Provo Temple. Ok, that's a bit far-fetched, even more my imagination, but the point I'm trying to get at is that all of the stereotypes at BYU are completely, utterly, 100% true. Just not for me. And I'm happy with that* :)

Next year, all of that will change. You see, freshman year you have the principle of "catch and release". All the guys are leaving, so you know that unless you move super fast, no real, lasting relationships are going to form. Next year, when all my guy friends are gone, I'll have to start hanging out with RM's. And RM's have been commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. Yikes. So, I'm guessing sophomore year will be very different! Oh the joys of Mormon college.

This was just a very brief survey of the world of dating at BYU. I'm sure there's so much else going on, so many intricacies and subtleties that I haven't experienced or heard about, but I hope this proved interesting and entertaining.

Peace and blessings, y'all, peace and blessings! <3 Emily

*Disclaimer: I do have a social life. I promise.