I Really Don't Have Anything To Say

Something terrible has happened to me. When summer began, I was all set to change my sleeping schedule back to one more appropriate for human existence. I tried to go to sleep earlier, and to wake up earlier. I set my phone alarm for 7 AM every morning. It started to work: I am now in bed no later than midnight every night (excepting the night of the Avengers. I went to sleep at 4 AM that night, which I believe is excusable considering the circumstances.) However, for the life of me, I cannot get up early! I wake up when my 7 o'clock alarm goes off, and doze until my 8 o'clock alarm goes off, then slip into another dream until I wake up of my own accord at 10. 

For a few days I got really angry at myself, and my lack of willpower, but then I realized what was wrong. I have nothing to do. No purpose. Without school, work, special projects, or even social activities during the day, I have to reason to get up in the morning. It's the weirdest feeling, and it set me on the road to another self-discovery: I always need a mission. I'd been used to thinking of myself as a go-with-the-flow kind of person, drifting through life on the road to some distant future goal--graduating college, getting a job, maybe having a family. But that's not true! Even if it's just a little thing, a minuscule goal like finishing a book series quickly, I need a purpose. Otherwise, I'll stay in bed all day watching movies. That is not an exaggeration. I'm actually embarrassed of how much time I've spent on Netflix the past two and a half weeks, but I've already made a goal to change it! The only shows I've watched today were the season finales of The Office and The Big Bang Theory, which I think is perfectly acceptable. The news is that Dwight might be getting his own spin-off show, meaning he would have to leave The Office, and that show cannot survive losing both Michael and Dwight, especially since the Jim-and-Pam storyline is so worn out, and there really isn't much else left for that show. Even Andy-and-Erin has been pretty much resolved. 

I watch too much TV.

So now that I know I need a purpose in life, and some goals, what are my plans for the summer?

-I'm going to visit my aunt Bonnie in Austin, since I really, really want to hang out with her down in the city, and see her apartment and her rooftop pool.

-I want to see the Avengers again, at least once (maybe more)

-I want to get a job by the end of the month

-I want to finish the Eragon book series. The last one, Inheritance, came out last year (I think) and I haven't read it because I couldn't remember anything that happened in the first three books. So I'm rereading. And let me tell you something--I don't actually like them very much. The writing style is really annoying, because it seems like Mr. Christopher Paolini sat with a thesaurus next to him the whole time he was writing, just to make himself look smarter. And there have been so many times when I finished reading a sentence and just groaned because of how pretentious he sounded. Also, they are the most blatantly atheist, hippie fantasy books I've ever read (I haven't read the Phillip Pullman books), which is irritating. Most fantasy books I've read either use pantheism, like in the ancient Mesopotamian and Celtic religions, since they usually take place during a medieval time, or don't worry about religion at all. Some, like the Lord of the Rings or the Chronicles of Narnia, use Christianity as the basic religion. Even Harry Potter, which stays away from religion despite its modern setting, states there is an afterlife, quotes the Bible, and uses some other, subtle Christian themes. I don't need Christianity to be present to enjoy a book series, but coupled by the air of know-it-all-ness possessed by the "intelligent" (aka atheist vegetarian hippie) characters and the pretentious author, the Eragon books just gets under my skin. Apparently, eating meat is bad because all lives are special, and since there isn't an afterlife we shouldn't do anything to shorten the lives of our fellow creatures, since this life is all we have. So no meat. Got it (hold on for a second while I grab a Slim Jim.) And there is no God, since how could a God let bad things happen? Forget human accountability, which would disappear if a God were to exist (universe forbid [see what I did there?]). Oh, and do you remember that one time in the 7th Harry Potter book when Hermione was teaching Harry and Ron about Horcruxes, and she said that if a body was killed, the soul would live on? According to the dragon Glaedr, "When the flesh is destroyed, so is the soul." 

And that is why Harry Potter is my favorite books series, and I'll just hurry up and finish the Inheritance cycle just so I can find out how it ends. The story is pretty good, even if it is stolen from every other epic fantasy and science fiction story ever, and all the characters talk like Shakespearean kings, even if they are illiterate farmers. But yeah, I'm gonna finish that series!!!!!

Where was I? Oh yeah, I have no life. It's no secret that I really don't like people (at all), but I'm almost starting to miss them. Almost. I went to my brother's NHS induction and nearly had a heart attack because there were TOO MANY PEOPLE. I hate being in the middle of crowds. I'm what you would call an "introvert." Social settings completely drain my energy. However, I did experience a moment a couple days ago when my phone buzzed and I got excited because I thought someone was texting me, but it was just a Facebook notification. I normally hate texting! I barely text at all, unless I need some information or I'm trying to get a guy to like me, but I was actually hoping that I'd gotten a text! That's how sad my life is right now. Say it with me everyone! "Poor Emily..."

Did you say it? Good!

Still, I'm glad I'm home. I love Texas, and once I have a real purpose again I'll be happier than a pig in a bog of mud. I thought about it, and as bored as I have been the past few days, I can honestly say that I am still thrilled that I'm not at school anymore. 

Even with my awful England dream. It was awful because it was so real, and so, so good. :( I want to go to Europe!!!!!!!!! And not really a study abroad program type-thing either, but a vacation! Sigh. Well, what's life without dreams? I gotta have something to look forward too!

I'm sorry that I don't really have much to write about. I can't really rant about boys anymore, because I'm expecting an almost completely boy-free summer. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it doesn't leave with much to write about! You know what I should do? I should start a movie review blog, where I talk about why the movies I see this summer are good or crappy. That will give me plenty of material to write about!! I'll think about it.

Still, I know you guys come to my blog to read all my sage advice about boys and dating (and by that, I mean you like to read about my strange attitudes toward romance and my dating mishaps, as I struggle to navigate this couple-filled world) so I have come up with a chart that I feel accurately describes my experience with boys. We talk about circles of friends, and we all have several: our best friends, our close friends, our necessary acquaintances, the people we tolerate, etc., etc. Well, I have drawn a Circle of Attraction for myself. Observe: 

Here's how it works: I make a guy friend, and usually the guys I hang out with are guys that I could find likable, in time. However, we usually become such good friends that he gets pushed into the Friendzone. Thus, the guys closest to me are Friendzoned. To find guys that I can actually like for an extended period of time, we have to skip over the Fiction-Reality Line to the world of fantasy, to my true loves: Mr. Darcy, Aragorn, and 2/3 of the Avengers, to name a few. If we wish to find guys who I can both like and be liked by (i.e. men I can marry), we must delve further into the realm of fantasy, almost to the point of the Wasteland of Delusion, where such men scrape out a meager existence in the dark corners of my best dreams. 

In other news, every time I see lightning, I become convinced that Thor is coming for me after all. One day...

And that is how I've spent my summer so far. 

Emily <3