Female Friendzone

Oh, the Friendzone. Every guy's worst nightmare. The moment the girl you're in love with says "I love you...like a brother!" The moment she comes crying to you about her recent heartbreak, looking for sympathy and nothing more. Every girl has those guys they love, but would never ever consider dating. Of course, those happen to be the guys who are overcome by all the attention and the unintentional flirting, and fall head over heels for the girl who can't love them back. One of the worst feelings in the world is when one of your close friends announces their feelings for you, and you just can't reciprocate.

Little do those poor Friendzoned guys realize that we females have the same situation. Despite what this video claims, not all guys are in love with their female friends. There is, in fact, a Female Friendzone. And it's a horrible place to be.

The FF works like this: Imagine standing in front of a beautiful castle. For aesthetic purposes, pretend that it's Beast's castle from Beauty and the Beast, and for added emphasis, imagine the gorgeous library he has locked up inside. You're standing on a narrow paved road that leads up to a tall, iron gate; the only passage through the enormous and thick wall surrounding the castle. Now, you see the castle, and your interest is piqued. It's a very attractive building, and you really want to get a closer look. You start up the path, and everything is wonderful. The surrounding grounds grow lovelier and lovelier with every step you take. Finally, you arrive at the gate, and by this point you are completely smitten with the castle and all the area around it. However, at this point, one of two things happens. Either the gate is locked fast and refuses to open, or it swings open a few inches, but you grow nervous about the drastic change in your life and take a step back, causing it to close tightly again. In either case, the gate suddenly vanishes, the sun disappears, the beautiful rose bushes lining the path shrivel up and die, and far off in the distance a new gate appears, ready to admit some ridiculously beautiful, talented, intelligent, and all-around perfect tramp. (Sorry, but when you're in the FF all other girls are tramps.) You're allowed to stay on the castle grounds, but you've been firmly locked out of the wonderful palace. That dark, decaying, and wistful place is, I'm afraid, the Female Friendzone.

How is this possible?! you may ask. After all, isn't it true that all guys mistake simple friendliness for romantic interest? Guys always want to date their female friends! Ha. There are a few poor girls who are shoved into the FF again and again and again, and they usually fall into one of these categories:
1. The Mom (or Mother Hen): The caretaker of the group, who always makes sure everyone is healthy and happy. The guys love her because she is kind and gives them attention, but they would never even think of liking her.
2. One of the Guys: Probably the most common one. The girl who doesn't get along well with other girls, and shares many, many of the same interests as her guy friends, whether it's video games, cars, sports, or extremely masculine movies. She usually has a disdain for all female things. The guys think she is totally cool, but they are not attracted to her.
3. Third Wheel: The girl who all her guy friends confide in. The one they go to when the have to talk about their feelings. Sometimes she has to give advice, other times she just has to listen. Basically a therapist. She watches all of her friends pair up, giving support and encouragement along the way, realizing too late that she is alone.
4. Kid Sister: Like that annoying sister you can't help but love, she teases and is teased. Like many real life little sisters, she desperately wants to be accepted by the big boys, but unlike real little sisters, they like having her around. She's someone to joke with, and occasionally take care of, with the big brotherly protective instinct. Dating her would be creepy and weird.

Is any category worse than the others? Is there any way a guy could ever think it's okay to like a girl he's Friendzoned? A Kid Sister could say to One of the Guys: "My situation is worse then yours. Gay marriage is legal in some places. Incest is illegal everywhere." A Third Wheel could say to a Mom: "They need you more than they need me. Once they get a girlfriend, they only talk to me when they're complaining about her. They complain to you about a variety of things." In other words, they all suck.

Is there any way to get out? To smash through that thick stone wall? Sure, I guess. Unfortunately, girls usually end up in the FF because they're afraid to be forward. Lack of experience, fear of rejection, uncertainty of feelings--they can all cause that second of hesitation that ruins their chances completely. If they were afraid when the gate was there, how much harder will it be to express their feelings now that they have to muscle their way in?
For example, let's say a girl feels this awesome connection with one of her friends, and she's positive he likes her. Everything is going great, or so it seems. However, because of her shyness or insecurities, she refuses to make a move. Suddenly, the guy reveals his interest in a different, more open and forward girl.
BAM
Friendzoned.

Or, a girl is very close with one of her guy friends. She waits a ridiculous amount of time for him to make the first move, and he never does. As time goes by, he tells her all about the different girls he likes, confiding in her and asking her for advice. She helps out, all the while secretly pining for him. She never tells him how she feels, and he falls madly in love with someone else.
BAM
Friendzoned. For ever.

The FF is an awful place to be. Shy and scared girls get sucked in, and they can never get out. I've been in various Friendzones my whole life. Never once have I liked someone who's like me back. I've liked plenty of guys, and guys have liked me, but the two groups have never coincided. I guess if you're in the same situation and you wanted some advice, this post didn't really help. At all. The only advice I can give is to go for it. Take a risk. Guys are not very smart when it comes to clues and subtleties. They do not pick up hints. Ever. That's probably why the Male Friendzone is more common. Girls can tell when guys like them. If you want to guy to know you like him, you have to get in his face and plainly spell out your feelings. Am I going to do this? Heck no. FF for life, baby. Nearly every guy I've ever known has happened to like/be dating/be married to someone else (just kidding about that last one. So far.) at the moment I begin to be interested in them. And I'm not worth ruining that. It's more important that they're happy with their flirtatious lady love and I get to keep my friends. I'm not saying that I'm in love with all my guy friends. Please. But I do get crushes. And those crushes never turn into anything. I fully realize it's my fault, but I'm a coward. Plain and simple. For now, I'm all right with that. I may not be able to make the guys I like return the sentiment, but I've never been alone. I wouldn't ever trade my friends for a boyfriend at this point, no matter how great he is. Still, talk to me in fifteen years when I'm an old maid. I'll maybe have changed my mind by then.

Is there a point to this post? Like many things in life, I saw an interesting situation and I decided to analyze it. Human interactions are so fascinating, don't you think?
Also, sometimes after midnight I think deep, philosophical thoughts that ought to stay in my head, but the castle metaphor was too good to pass up.
So, Friendzones. They're everywhere. No one can escape. Yet somehow, millions of people are able to man up and break out, which is when we get our true love's and our happily every after's. There's hope yet, girls!

Final note: I'm not trying to say that all girls are in love with their guy friends. The reverse is still way more likely. Many girls are perfectly content just being friends with a large number of guys.

This has all been food for thought.
Emily <3