Boys, Boys, Boys

As promised.

Two nights ago at work, this exchange occurred between a friend and me:
Friend: I've read your blog, you like being single!
Me: Yeah, but that doesn't mean I want to die alone!!!!

Ladies, the sad truth is that boys are attractive. And in my quest to enjoy my Single Lady time, my own subconscious is my biggest enemy. I'll be going along fine, and then all of a sudden I'll have an extremely vivid dream that I have a boyfriend. It's happened twice this semester. The major feeling I get from the dream is a sense of unity, like we are there for each other, no matter what. I wake up, remember that I don't have a boyfriend, and immediately start longing for that emotional connection that I can apparently only establish in dreams. It's not fun.

To make matters worse, I recently got a sliver of a hint of a possibility that a boy might actually be maybe planning to ask me on a date perhaps. I was completely fine with being totally dateless for a month and a half, but throw me a sliver of a hint and my mind is lost in a sea of wishful thinking and growing attraction. Blech.

What I'm trying to get at is that as happy as you are with your single life of guy friends, meaningless flirtations, and eating ice cream straight from the carton because you don't care what anyone thinks, boys have a way of creeping back. As Single Ladies, sometimes a crush, a dream, or even a sliver of a hint of a possibility make us feel for desperate for that wonderful emotional bond we don't often get to enjoy. If desperation strikes, don't do anything hasty! Remember, the dating world is different for you. It's not as easy as boy-meets-girl, boy-likes-girl, girl-likes-boy, boy-and-girl-start-dating. If you feel the attraction starting to rise, STOP. Think about what you're doing. Are you really ready to act on these feelings? There are three things to watch for before you dive head-first back into the dating world.

1. The Peacock Rule
Sometimes when we like a guy, we want to chase him down, make sure that he knows we like him. This is bad. Very bad. When approaching relationships, be like the peacock: The male has a gorgeous and showy plumage, because he has to convince the female peacock to be his mate. She chooses whether or not she wants to be with him. Human dating should be the same. The guy sees a girl he likes, and tries to win her affections. As thrilling as the hunt may be, ladies, it's not worth it. For one, it savors strongly of desperation. For another, what do you do if you capture him, but then find out your prey is not as appealing as expected? (That was a kind of creepy metaphor, I apologize.) This has actually happened to me twice this year. Through various methods, which I will further elaborate through a private message if you are very curious, I got guys to like me, only to discover that I really didn't like them that much.
Don't chase boys. Make them chase you. It will make you appreciate them much more, because you'll know that out of all the girls around, they have chosen to go for you. Flirt, make yourself attractive, but let him make the first move.

2. The Exposure Effect
This one is pretty self-explanatory. And it's very common. I have liked a lot of guys this year. And most of these crushes developed because I spent a great deal of time with a group of guys, and because I spent so much time with them, they began to be extremely attractive. Thinking about it, this is how almost all of the crushes over the course of my life happened. If you have a lot of guy friends that you hang out with regularly (and as a Single Lady, I'm sure you do), WATCH OUT. Because you WILL start to like one of them. At least one of them. It's psychological. When your feelings develop, before you do anything else, think to yourself "Do I only like him because I'm with him all the time? Or would I still be mad for him if we were just casual friends?" I'm not saying that all crushes on guy friends are fake, but you need to keep the Exposure Effect in mind before succumbing to the crush. Maybe he's a good friend because you really are romantically compatible, but usually, your mind tricks you into thinking he's romantically compatible because he's a good friend. The mind plays many, many tricks.

3. The Weird Turn-on
Nearly all girls have something that can really make or break our feelings for a guy. For me, it's the arms. I absolutely love it when guys have really nice, muscular arms. I find it ridiculously attractive. Last semester, I actually developed two crushes because I got a good look at their biceps. (Okay, I really liked their personalities beforehand, but it was the arms that sealed the deal.) Another friend of mine really likes guys who look good running, and can't even consider marrying a guy who runs like a dork. Most of us have these little quirks, these things we just find ridiculously attractive. Listen to them. If you start liking a guy who doesn't possess the thing you find attractive, don't pursue it! (This is why you should follow the Peacock Rule. Letting him doing the chasing gives you time to make sure your feelings are real.) It may seem really shallow, to let these weird little turn-ons or turn-offs control who you date, but it is what it is. Attraction is a psychological and biological experience, and it's best to just go with it. You don't want to force yourself to be attracted to someone. That's just stupid.

The dating world, it's a mess. Particularly if you aren't very skilled in the art of "boys." For me, at least, it's so much easier to spend time and flirt with a guy who likes another girl or has a girlfriend, because there's no pressure since he's emotionally taken. This is a big problem. One day, I hope to develop my dating talents, but I have to wait a couple more months. There will be no boys when I go home, but next year all my freshman friends are gone, and I will be with returned missionaries, who are usually cuter anyways. Sophomore year, here I come!

Whether or not I ever get a boyfriend or husband, I am, truthfully, forever and always,
Your Single Lady <3